Some thoughts on jobs

I'm going to work hard on this post to stay relatively on topic, at least in large chunks. I shall do my utmost not to discuss my smoothie, the dust and ferret hair caught in my keyboard, the frequency with which I clean the kitchen, the emptiness of my Double Gulp, or the impending trip to Wisconsin, during which I will have no internet access in all likelihood.

So now, on to the topic at hand. Because I'm also trying to choose a relevant title for my blogs now.

On sunday, my little sister joyously told me that she has an interview for a position at a coffee shop on thursday. I calmly responded by telling her that if she got a job before I did, I would slap her in the face as hard as I could manage.

For those of you who are curious, I don't idly slap people full force in the face often. I've done it maybe one other time, and I feel I was fully justified. I do, however, often make threats of violence. Sometimes idle, and sometimes less so.

This is not an idle threat.

She has been job hunting for maybe a few months. Yes, that's a long time, and I sympathize with how frustrating it is, but I've been looking off and on since the fall after I finished high school. That's over a year, for those of you who can't count.

Clearly I'm doing something wrong, right? So far, the only real crime I can see is that I don't have any prior job experience. And so I learned the idiotic "catch 22" of job finding.

No one wants to hire someone with no experience. That makes sense, but the difficulty here is that in order to have job experience, YOU HAVE TO HAVE ALREADY FOUND A JOB.

Sorry, everywhere I've applied, but I can't get any kind of experience without having a job. It has to start somewhere, guys. Tragically, everyone apparently thinks it should start somewhere else.

The other thing that has apparently been to my detriment, is that I haven't written up a resumé. My main complaint here is that I have absolutely nothing to put on one. Nowhere I would apply would care about my many irrelevant accomplishments. And anywhere that I have any of the remotest skills to work wouldn't hire me, because even though I am something of a jack of all trades, I'm very much a master of none. I can change, feed, and make an infant sleep, make crepes, replace a transmission fluid pan, paint, lay concrete, and make some jewelry all in the same day, but I can't do any of it well enough to make it worth paying me to do it. 


But apparently all one actually needs to do is walk into an establishment, tell them to hire you, and schedule an interview. Thanks, Bex and Brian! Why didn't I think of that??


Oh wait. Because it works about as well as when you walk in and ask if they're hiring and they say no.


I apparently forgot to put a perk in Profession at my last level.

It's here somewhere, right? Maybe in another constellation??


....


Don't mind me. I'm going to make nerd references while I rot in penniless unemployment.