Friday, December 23, 2011

On a slightly more serious note

It's been a little while since my last blog, but in the last couple days, something has repeatedly popped into my head, finally turning into this post.

I visited my grandmother on wednesday for the first time since she was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. She's heavily medicated, and in surprisingly good spirits considering she's dying, but something I've noticed of late is that while she talks (rambling is one of her favorite things lately), some shockingly profound things are said.

I already knew she's an intelligent and wise woman, but this is something that I think transcends just Grandmum. My uncle (my mother's oldest brother) has been taking care of his mother in law who has Alzheimer's, and according to him, she says some wonderfully interesting things. About people and about life.

Not so long ago, people connected things like epilepsy to clairvoyance (which I've just contemplated through its roots in French, and now I feel kind of like an idiot), and I'm beginning to associate infirmity with honesty.  

We discussed this idea in my Shakespeare class this last semester when we read Hamlet. Ophelia was freed by her madness even as it destroyed her; at the beginning of the play she was repressed and isolated, but when her ties to reality and relationships are finally severed by Hamlet's paranoia, she's totally free to speak the truth to Gertrude, Laertes, Claudius, and Hamlet.

So perhaps it's proximity to death that leads to this outpouring of profundity. Possibly because when the ties to this world start loosening, you can look with something more like hindsight and objectivity.

Either way, something I've observed.

Also something I never want to experience. I intend to die long before I get old. And I want it to me hit by surprise.


Friday, December 16, 2011

Two ways to fix the world:

I've come to the conclusion numerous times in my life that there are much simpler ways to solve things than everyone seems to think. The world doesn't have to be as complicated as it is, and I've thought of the two key ways to simplify and correct the idiotic way humans have of relating with each other. Because, lets face it, people suck at interacting with each other.

First of all, one of the things people always complain about is war. Stupid conflict that destroys millions of lives, miles upon miles of land, and usually doesn't actually solve much.

I have a better idea.

This is the stuff worlds should be made of.

If every conflict, from wars to who gets the last soda, were solved this way, the world would be a much better place.

France and Germany are fighting over Luxembourg? No problem. Each of you, pick a representative. Best two out of three. Gentleman, I wish you luck.

I fully intend to solve the majority of my children's bickering in this fashion.

That, or one on one battles. Last man standing gets the last slice of cake! Which I'll then munch on while watching my adorable children try to kill each other.

Speaking of which, I'm starving. (Speaking of cake, not my unborn spawn.)

And starvation is not a topic I intend to cover, although according to Eric (one of my professors this last semester), there's enough food in the world to feed everyone, we're just all idiots and decide politics is a good reason to let people starve. I haven't fixed that one yet.

Problem number two: relations between the sexes.

The main problem I see here is that guys are idiots and girls are complete freaking psychos.

I feel I'm more than qualified to make this assessment, by the way, because of my position as an outsider, female and close friend to several males. My experience with both of them gives me a nice, faux-objective standpoint to shout at everyone from.

My clever solution?

I think everyone in the world, male or female, should experience the feeling of getting kicked hard in the testicles, crippling menstrual cramps, birth, and kidney stones. Probably in separate chunks so that they can compare them all.

(Aren't you all glad I didn't put a picture here for you? XD)

I think sharing those experiences would create a revolutionary new sympathy between the two species (Yes, "species." Let's be honest here.). I can't count the number of times I've heard guys or girls (though this was largely in high school) complaining that one or the other are wusses and such because they don't know what ____ feels like.

Well, girls/guys, I bet you wouldn't be so flippant about how whiny they are if you experienced that particular pain.

And people talk about it like it's some kind of competition. Which it might be, if there were some prize other than sexism. Or if we were talking about individuals. But I'm not, so it isn't.

I haven't done any research, but I'm fairly sure pain is a pretty subjective thing. Pain tolerance is kind of hard to compare without just torturing people, which could be entertaining, but I'm also fairly sure that would be considered unethical. People throw tantrums about testing drugs and cosmetics on animals, despite the idiocy of that particular fury, so I somehow doubt they'd support studies that involved causing humans pain. Or if they didn't mind, they're even more retarded, and someone ought to go slap their priorities in the stupid face. But that's a rant for a different day.

I've wandered from my point.

Shared pain, shared experience, brings people together. You can interact with someone on a whole new level of understanding and sympathy when you've got some common experience. That's part of why people find common ground to be so important in relationships of any kind. There's nothing wrong with having some difference; life is a different experience for everyone, but in order to make an other less than alien, you have to find something shared, otherwise you can't establish a basis for real interaction. And stress, be that pain, pressure, or fear, has a way of defining relationships. It drives people together, or it forces them apart, but if they're all in one boat, I think it would result in forging new alliances.

So someone needs to figure out a way to yank on everyone's nervous systems to replicate all kind of horrible sensations!

I bet that'd be an incredibly useful tool in interrogations too...To gather intelligence on the next world-changing Rock, Paper, Scissors match.

I'll try to think of more way to fix the world later. Other than the obvious one of killing all the stupid people and preventing certain humans from breeding, because for some reason genocide doesn't often go over well with the populace unless you've got a very charismatic and frightening leader to orchestrate its start.

I never did finish reading Mien Kampf...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Some thoughts on jobs

I'm going to work hard on this post to stay relatively on topic, at least in large chunks. I shall do my utmost not to discuss my smoothie, the dust and ferret hair caught in my keyboard, the frequency with which I clean the kitchen, the emptiness of my Double Gulp, or the impending trip to Wisconsin, during which I will have no internet access in all likelihood.

So now, on to the topic at hand. Because I'm also trying to choose a relevant title for my blogs now.

On sunday, my little sister joyously told me that she has an interview for a position at a coffee shop on thursday. I calmly responded by telling her that if she got a job before I did, I would slap her in the face as hard as I could manage.

For those of you who are curious, I don't idly slap people full force in the face often. I've done it maybe one other time, and I feel I was fully justified. I do, however, often make threats of violence. Sometimes idle, and sometimes less so.

This is not an idle threat.

She has been job hunting for maybe a few months. Yes, that's a long time, and I sympathize with how frustrating it is, but I've been looking off and on since the fall after I finished high school. That's over a year, for those of you who can't count.

Clearly I'm doing something wrong, right? So far, the only real crime I can see is that I don't have any prior job experience. And so I learned the idiotic "catch 22" of job finding.

No one wants to hire someone with no experience. That makes sense, but the difficulty here is that in order to have job experience, YOU HAVE TO HAVE ALREADY FOUND A JOB.

Sorry, everywhere I've applied, but I can't get any kind of experience without having a job. It has to start somewhere, guys. Tragically, everyone apparently thinks it should start somewhere else.

The other thing that has apparently been to my detriment, is that I haven't written up a resumé. My main complaint here is that I have absolutely nothing to put on one. Nowhere I would apply would care about my many irrelevant accomplishments. And anywhere that I have any of the remotest skills to work wouldn't hire me, because even though I am something of a jack of all trades, I'm very much a master of none. I can change, feed, and make an infant sleep, make crepes, replace a transmission fluid pan, paint, lay concrete, and make some jewelry all in the same day, but I can't do any of it well enough to make it worth paying me to do it. 

But apparently all one actually needs to do is walk into an establishment, tell them to hire you, and schedule an interview. Thanks, Bex and Brian! Why didn't I think of that??

Oh wait. Because it works about as well as when you walk in and ask if they're hiring and they say no.

I apparently forgot to put a perk in Profession at my last level.

It's here somewhere, right? Maybe in another constellation??


Don't mind me. I'm going to make nerd references while I rot in penniless unemployment.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Bull Well: introduction and explanation

This morning, while talking to Joe and Brandy, I created a new theory on the crap we all spin on a daily basis. I call it the Bull Well, and it has become the basis for a new and actual blog.

Throughout childhood, and especially adolescence, we all have a ready flow of BS for those around us, particularly parents and teachers. It's regularly used while in school, and probably frequently after.

Everyone has this beautiful wellspring of bull, but for some of us it runs deeper and faster. (I'm thinking of you, Brandy. And Rosalinde.)

And so the premise for this blog was born. (Thank you, Joe.) Because my spring of BS rarely runs dry, and frequently finds itself overflowing, so rather than allow that, I shall share my nonsensical notions with you, my theoretical internet audience.

Warm fuzzies.

I intend to post all sorts of things here, though most frequent will inevitably be rants. As previously mentioned, I have an opinion on nearly everything, whether I know what I'm talking about or not.

If I offend, please tell me. Not so I can apologize or explain, but so that I can either be amused or further educated.

Also, I enjoy a good argument. Assuming the "other" is not an idiot like the tragically idiotic masses.

And now, rather than ramble further, I shall return to my frenzied sewing with the vague promise of  future writings.