Some Brain Spew on Weight Loss

Urg, internet. I'm all annoyed now, and it's not even about the subject of today's rant. It's making me want to start a tangent rant about stupid people and pet ownership. And empty threats and complaints without the intent of correction. But, I should probably leave all that to the side since it's all just happening right now in my real life. This is the price of suddenly being surrounded by young adults who think they know what they're doing.

Anyway, I've been weirdly focused on food lately, and at work today I heard a radio commercial that just filled me with horror and irritation, and then I decided to write a blog post about it.

There I was, filling up egg pans before the morning rush, half listening to the classic rock station, and then this commercial came on for a weight loss center. They advertised for both "natural and chemical" weight loss methods, as well as single day visits and lifestyle/nutrition counselors to help you half-ass your way into being skinny.

At first glance, there wasn't really anything wrong with the ad, but it still infuriated me, because I hate--hate with a fiery, righteous passion-- this idea of losing weight for the sake of being skinnier. There's this disgusting focus on that, and it's everywhere. If a celebrity isn't skeletal or impossibly toned, people will comment on their figure, and it's this idiotic expectation that everyone in the entire world should look that way. There's no regard for health, body type, psychology, motivation, method, or diversity. It's all about results. Really, a singular, poisonous result.

Here's the ugly truth, boys and girls: people have different body types. They're shaped differently. Not everyone can be slim, shapely, and muscular. In fact, almost no one is all three of those because of their intrinsic contradictions in a body, and the way that we are about being thin and about eating, no one is really likely to be.

The thing is, that's not an ugly truth. Those aren't ugly bodies. Healthy bodies are not ugly. I say that as an artist with an ongoing love affair with the human shape. I love drawing the figure, but I don't love only drawing hourglass shaped women (as much as I love my sexy pin-up girls), and I don't only love drawing Superman. When I took figure drawing, my favorite models were the ones that were interesting to look at and fun to talk to, and that usually means not having a conventionally beautiful or symmetrical face.

But that's not exactly where I originally meant to go. This whole obsession with an end without regard to anything else, like whether it's healthy, or longterm, or even beneficial is one of the things that's been on my mind a lot. It shows up in Western culture a lot, but especially education, medicine, and this.

I watched Forks Over Knives the other day, along with a whole mess of Ted Talks about food and health and whatnot, and it really made me start thinking about the way that we relate to our food,
("How can anyone have a relationship to food?" Shrinking Women)
and more and more I notice how profoundly sickening it is the majority of the time. People eat the worst crap all of the time, and then complain about health problems caused directly by their laziness and gluttony.

How can you be shocked that you're overweight or diabetic when you eat garbage all the time?

Most of the stuff I was watching contended that the majority of health problems we have in Western culture are totally preventable and even the existing, chronic ailments can be mitigated by controlling what we put in our body.

But doing that requires putting in effort. We don't want to be healthier or feel better. We want to wear a bikini and eat a gallon of icecream. Why do things that benefit your body and mental health when you can just throw money and pills at it, or become a slave to self-denial?

I think this will need to explode into a few different posts. There's too much that I'm trying to say right now, and it's getting very muddled and confusing, so I'll stop now and try to sort my thoughts a little. I think it can break down into two or three separate topics. They're just all very tangled together.

Racist Comments

Let's talk about race, shall we? I have the fun experience of being a white female, which puts me in an interesting position somewhere between historically privileged and historically disenfranchised, and I'm also a noisily opinionated creature, which is unrelated to those things.

Someone on Facebook a while ago made the ignorant, painfully stupid comment that you can't be racist against white people, because apparently she understands neither the literal definition racism, or what constitutes a race, and since then I've been contemplating posting my two cents about racism and its place in the world that exists right now. Of course, I may not be the best person to talk about racism, simply because I don't get it. This has nothing to do with the fact that I am a white member of the middle class. I've experienced my share of bigotry, either firsthand or by proxy with people I'm close to. I don't get racism because I'm not a cave-dwelling douche. It makes no sense, and it has no place in a modern, global society. Hate people for something valid, guys, like something they can choose.

I've definitely had serious antipathy for several black people, and hispanic people, and asians, and lots of white people, but it had literally NOTHING to do with the color of their skin. Because that's literally the dumbest reason I can think of to hate someone. Even hating them for their clothing is more valid, because it's within their control and actually says something about their personality and preferences, even if that's still a superficial, weak reason to be prejudiced against someone.

I used to hear a lot of kids in my high school talking about slavery and Jim Crow laws with a chip on their shoulder. Does that seem stupid to anyone else? These kids were raised in a world where they didn't even experience anything remotely like that. Don't bitch at me about how your ancestors were enslaved by my ancestors, black kids. First of all, my ancestors were mostly in Sweden eating herring and not partaking in the "West Indies" slave trading (stupid Columbus, ruining terminology for the rest of time. "Look, it's not Europe! I must have gotten to India by now."). Second, Africans sold Africans to Europeans; selling prisoners of war and criminals and debtors as slaves is a time-honored tradition that every culture ever has participated in. Humans have been enslaving each other as long as they've lived in groups large enough to have enemies. Which brings me to my third point. Slavery is not a race issue anymore. If we're going to talk about slavery, why not concern yourselves with the slavery and human rights violations going on right now, you stupid people?

There is literally no reason to be racist anymore. It used to stem from the kind of fear and supremacist feelings that people have when encountering something alien to themselves. They aren't like us, therefore we immediately make this into an us and them polerization, and we have to win. But we are no longer surprised or frighted by people with different skin colors. Our maps no longer end with sea serpents and question marks. We know what's in our world, we know who lives here and what they look like. No, not every people group is intimately connected to every other, but in a time when you can talk to people on the other side of the planet instantaneously, how in the world can we still be dividing along the lines of race? That's just stupid.

So is hyphenating races, by the way. You shouldn't call yourself "African American" unless you are actually from both continents. If you immigrated, cool. The country/landmass your people come from has very little to do with your race except as Darwinian cause. White people shouldn't run around demanding to be called European Americans. And what would you call people from South America in that situation? What about the Brazilians descended from the Portuguese? Being the same color as the people of a place doesn't make you from there. If your people came from there and went somewhere else, you are not from there. It's so much absurdity.

My Day, or Five Reasons to Become a Mechanic

Hello, audience. Believe it, or not, I've actually started several posts that kind of miscarried and never made it to finished and posted. Maybe someday they'll see the light of day, but today, I decided to share some thoughts stemming from my day.

In addition to getting up and working eight hours before noon, I got to take my car to the mechanic for some routine maintenance before I take a road trip next week. Isn't that just the best? Is there anything better than taking your car to a dubious stranger so that they can demand obscene amounts of money? It's probably my favorite thing.

I came to the conclusion today that I should become a mechanic. Screw my artistic aspirations and the apprenticeship I'm pursuing. Tattoos are clearly the wrong business, and here are five reasons why.

1. Appearing competent
When you work in a field like auto-repair, you have the comforting knowledge that 90% of your customers are completely ignorant. You tell them that a mischievous gnome has ripped holes in their car's mass air intake, and they'll probably nod sagely (so as to avoid looking incompetent or uneducated) and thank you for your attention to detail. And this is without even having to do any actual work to prove your ability. You could probably accomplish the exact same appearance of expertise simply by putting an oil-stained rag in your pocket and speaking authoritatively while standing in the office of a garage.

You can tell he's experienced by the way he's trying to use a wrench 

on a  tire attached to nothing. And he has coveralls!

2. Charging for your presence
The accepted term for this is "labor," but as far as I know these fees require no actual labor. Glancing over a car long enough to say, "Your front tires exploded and the hood is folded in half," counts as an inspection and therefore ground for labor costs. You can spend an hour in the same room as a car and it qualifies as billable time.

3. Innumerable reasons for fees
Cars, as you may or may not ("Meyer may not") know, are a complex, interdependent system, so that one problem may stem from many underlying issues, or the other way around (one underlying issue causing many problems, for those who couldn't quite keep up.), so there are a thousand different things that could be wrong, and each one of them is a reason to charge more. Because time is money. So the more theoretical time you might spend on a thing, or the more complex it is, the more you charge. See how that works? Potential time for a repair + actual amount of time spent on a repair + between two and four times the costs of parts + number of things that could potentially have been wrong = total bill.
So, if, for example, you could have spent eight hours on a repair, and you actually spent three, the part costs fifteen dollars, the problem was loosely connected to the exhaust system, and the moon is waning, you would charge the soul of their firstborn and two months wages. Simple, right?

4. No necessity to do actual work
Especially when you run your own place of business (this isn't limited to mechanics), there are often underlings of a lower pay grade whose sole existence is to perform grunge work, so when one is a mechanic and hired to fix an automobile, one's primary job is to stand in the office and explain to bewildered (soon to be penniless) customers what exactly is wrong with their car, and how that gnome seems to have expanded his activities to the throttle body and the transmission, at which point the appropriate thing to do is show them a neatly outlines list of the things that need/might need/might actually be done in order to correct this problem. Of course, including the expected costs of parts and labor -_-

5. Ensuring future employment
If you recall, as I hope all of you without crippling short term memory loss would, I mentioned in #3 that cars are delicate, interconnected systems that all build on one another to create a two ton metal box for you to give rides to drunken friends, and many, many different things can go wrong within that complex machinery. A common practice that has recently gotten a lot of attention is slightly tweaking a few things in that mess of systems so that cars run less than optimally.

Yes. There are mechanics that break cars so that you have to come back and pay them some more to look at your car and say knowledgeable things.

If you think about it, it's a brilliant way to make money (assuming you don't have any qualms about stealing or ruining people's lives, but, really, who does these days?). What more effective job guarantee could there be? It's like a homicide detective going out and murdering people on the slow weeks.

I feel like there's a show about that...

Anyway, the only conclusion I can come to here is that I should become a mechanic and make money hand over fist. I've done work on my car, and it's pretty easy stuff if you know what to look for.

And that tiny fact-- "as long as you know what to look for"-- is the basis of the entire trade. As long as you know something someone else doesn't, you can make them pay through the nose for that ignorance, right?

More From the Service Industry

Hello, ever-present internet! I'm not dead, despite my absurd absence this year. Things have just been busy and exhausting and lazy and lots other things that really come down to "Rachel hasn't been blogging, because she does that sometimes." Though since I finally got a new job (and quit my old one), my schedule has been totally different, which is often the result of switching from primarily evening and night work to early morning and mid afternoon work, but I'm still adjusting to it.

Bonus: the worthless scourge that is Daylight Savings (saving no one daylight since 1930) has had no power over me. Taking one puny hour from my life cannot control me when I've been getting up at four in the morning rather than going to bed then!

Anyway, I thought I'd take a few minutes to blather online about a few of the things that have been floating around in my head that make me go, "hey, I should write a post about that," but then, as you may have noticed the past few months, I never do. I also have like three or four snarky list posts floating amongst my mental debris (by which I mean safely saved in note form on my phone, because I can't remember that kind of thing), but they'll wait for a different day.

So at my new job (I now work at a coffee/bagel shop rather than a pizza place), we have these surveys that all the cashiers are supposed to tell the customers about so that they can tell Corporate how satisfied, or dissatisfied, they were with the service, and now as added incentive, everytime someone mentions an employee by  name in their surveys, that person gets a sticker on this chart in the back, and as if stickers weren't reward enough, after so many stickers, you get free stuff.

Though, I'm at a distinct disadvantage there, since I don't take orders right now. I just make them and bring them out to people, so even though I now get a name tag (at my old job, we were all faceless drones), I don't really interact with customers enough to be memorable.

My thought today, though, was that there should be customer review surveys for the employees. I had a huge group the other day (from a well- known Christian organization, no less *coughcoughHCJB*), and they were super messy, rearranged all of my tables, and then just left everything there, and it was super annoying and inconvenient, so I was thinking how unfair it is that customers get to treat us in the service industry like crap and then complain about the service, and all we can really do is bitch about how awful they were back in the kitchen.

Seriously, guys, a friendly customer or a good tip can totally make someone's day. I go out of my way to pre-bus tables and leave at least 25% tips whenever I go out to eat.

Anyway, there should be a system where service people get to review their customers, and then the good ones can get discounts or something, and we can unnecessarily inconvenience or charge the people who suck, because there should be consequences for being a dick to people just because they're paid to take your money in exchange for bringing you goods or services.

The fact that you are the customer doesn't make you better, or entitle you to being an inconsiderate cur.

On Interviews

Hello, audience. I'm going to talk, yet again, about being an adult. I seem to do this every couple of months, but that's okay. Few enough people read this blog that I feel entitled to talk about whatever I please. If you want to read other things, read other blogs. It's really that simple.

Actually, that pretty much describes my philosophy toward most things about myself--I'm abrasive. Get over it, embrace it, or move along. No one is making you interact with me.

Anyway, the subtext here is that there is no greater farce than adult life. It's so much BS that even I have to cringe a little inside, and that is speaking as a confirmed bullshitter. Adult life is based almost entirely on lying all of the time to almost everyone. Intimate relationships are set apart in adult life, because those are the people you either lie less to, or lie about different things.

At least when we were teenagers, everyone knew everyone was lying about who they were and how they were doing and whatnot, and it was not encouraged. As a child, there's this ringing chorus of "be yourself! Trust people! Be honest about who you are and what you believe!" and then you get out of school.

Suddenly it's all dating people because you're supposed to be in a relationship, and trying to get a job.

To be honest here, theoretical readers, I haven't had that many job interviews. I've had enough, though, to know that they're all about both interviewer and interviewed pretending they want to be there.

You walk in, and (after making you wait long enough that you know you're at their mercy) the interviewer shakes your hand and introduces themselves, a name which you promptly forget, because you were busy wondering if your handshake was firm enough, or if you smiled when you said it was nice to meet them, or if they notice that your pants are still kind of wrinkly, or wishing you had brushed your teeth before you left.

After they sit you down and start "trying to get to know you" the real pretense starts. You have to convince them that you're worth hiring, which they have probably already decided based on your initial application, and they spend the entire time pretending to be interested in hiring you.

It's like a date, where you both try and convince someone that you're exactly what they're looking for, even though you're lying through your teeth, and so are they. "Quick! Pretend you're way smarter, funnier, more competent, more attractive, more outgoing, and more dedicated and hardworking than you have ever actually been."

Because for some reason, we think that is a good basis for any kind of relationship. Especially when the chances are that they decided whether or not they wanted you in all of three minutes.

And the answer is usually no.

This basically defines adult life. There's this demand that you seem totally together all the time, regardless of whether or not you are; it doesn't matter if you're a broke alcoholic and all of your relationships are crumbling as long as you can seem like you're a successful human being.

Maybe this is one of those "fake it 'til you make it" things (a favorite saying of my mother's), but mostly it just seems like total crap. Does this ever help anyone? I mean really. Did I just miss the day where they handed out grown-up starter kits full of instruction booklets about how all of this makes sense?

On Shyness

Hello, audience. Based on my blog stats, you actually exist, which is gratifying. I assume you do, anyway. That, or things are randomly linking to my page, and people search things that I posted pictures of.

But I thought I'd take a few minutes tonight to explain to the internet at large why I HATE HATE HATE shy people.

Do you know why it is?

Because they're so full of crap.

We've all met the people who are just quiet. They don't talk a whole lot, and they're cool being on their own, and they don't need you to tell them it's okay. That's being called self-contained. When people say they're shy, you should automatically read that as "I'm an attention whore with a propensity to martyring myself." Because we've also all met those people. I've met several.

Let me take a moment here, my dear, faithful, presumably interested audience, to explain something: I am loud. I am opinionated. I am comparatively oblivious, and I don't cater to anyone in conversation (excepting age, because some things can't be said around the over-thirty-five/under-seventeen crowds). Get over it, sweetheart.

Someone posted this thing on Facebook that said something akin to, "I'm the friend who always gets cut off mid-story, and walks behind everyone else, and invites people to hang out so that I'm not excluded, and I will always be that friend, because wah wah wah." Or something like that. And being the diplomatic angel I always am, I commented.

I have been Bitched Out on more than one occasion (at least twice by the same person, who was the kind of "shy" I'm talking about here) for being a verbal bulldozer, being rude, interrupting, being pushy, loud, etc. And you know what? I am those things most of the time. But you know what else? Most of the people who actually enjoy talking to me (like my friends and close family members) can deal with that. They talk over me, and I talk over them, and it's not because either of us thinks we're more important than the other. We're just talking. We're comfortably sharing ideas and stories in a free manner.

This isn't frickin' LD Debate here, guys. I don't make an opening statement, followed by your opening statement, nd then my rebuttal, and your rebuttal, and my follow up, and your response, and then our closing thoughts. Conversation is a free flow thing. If you can't handle that, maybe you should only talk to people via text, because instant messaging, email, and texting all take place line by line where no one steps over the other.

Come to think of it, most of the whiny "shy" people do spend all their time online...

Anyway, the thought I had originally started with is this: People who claim to be shy are usually just looking for someone to validate them. And there are two things I have no respect for, and when people exhibit them on a regular basis, I stop talking to them so that no one gets throttled.
1) Stupidity. This is the cardinal sin in the Book of Rachel.
2) Excessive insecurity.

Let me clarify here. Everyone is insecure about things. No one is totally confident, totally happy, or totally together. We all have duckies that are getting away from us. But most of us have the decency not to cram it down everyone's throat.

In my experience, people who are "shy" are looking for excuses to martyr themselves so that other people feel sorry for them or pay excessive attention to them. So that when you don't make way on a red carpet covered on rose petals for their every little thought, you're a dick for not letting them speak.

Because I have news, babydoll, no one can tell you that you don't matter. No one can make you feel insignificant or unimportant.  No one can make you shut up when you want to talk. No one can make your opinions less important.

UNLESS

you lie down in front of their feet and explain softly that you're a worthless doormat, and  if they would be so gracious as to make you matter...you'd bitch them out for being so thoughtless and selfish as to think that their opinions matter. How dare other people be aware of their own worth when you need yours given to you by external forces?!

When you need validated and told you're a beautifuw snowfwake and we all appweciate evewything about you, it's your own weakness.

There you go, friends and neighbors. I think "shy people" are weaklings, and full of their own selfishness and arrogance on top of it. You don't get to condemn me or anyone else for asserting ourselves just because you need permission to say anything unless it;s to complain about your lot for being the self-proclaimed victim.

Shut your whore mouth, you freaking shy people. Get over yourselves.

Reduced to Children by Grownups

While my thoughts on my last post were still swirling into irrelevance, I got a wonderful taste of what total crap that belief is thanks to everyone in my life over forty-five.

I have the lovely misfortune of still living at home due to my pathetic income and lack of ownership of my car, so I get to be here and watch all of the "grownups" that I know treat me like I am too young.

My realization here is that everyone immediately starts saying, "I was never that young, and even if I was, I was smarter/more responsible/more experienced/etc." Nevermind the fact that my parents and two of siblings were married in their early twenties. I'm clearly too young  to be treated as the adult I legally am by the people who know me well enough to know how I behave and how smart I am.

I first started realizing this at my parents' church. After I graduated high school, I floated around interacting with the collage-age and grown-up people there, and realized I was going to just be caught between the youth group, which I was now too old for and no longer allowed to attend, and the grown-up things, which I was not considered part of because I was too young. This isn't really a problem when kids go off to JBU (as most of their children there do), and only come back once in a while until they've graduated and gotten married, but with me and a handful of others, when you're there and they can't remember whether or not you're out of high school, no one will take you seriously.

I can accept that from strangers at a church I only go to because of my living arrangements. They're not expected to know what I'm like. It's irritating, but a necessary evil. It's when people that do know better do the same crap that it pisses me off.

We are not children set loose in an adult world to explore and do as we will. About half the time, we are adults being denied the world we have earned. We aren't trusted to make our own decisions, and when we assert our rightful independence, it's looked on with condescension and/or disapproval. We get advice and admonitions rather than encouragement, because god knows we're idiot children and don't know any better.

They will never take us seriously or respect us as our own, intelligent, autonomous individuals, because they'll never think of us as adults or their peers, regardless of how old we are. Thirty-four, three kids, a career, and you'll still be "just a kid."

Words No One Should Use (Part 2)

Because I am largely a creature of my word, I shall finish my list of annoying words and phrases. Hopefully quickly, so that the posts are in the same month in the drop down menus. It's also going to be quick, because I have other things to do, and I'm in a less ranty frame of mind than last time.

-Pejoratives for race, gender, sexual practices, etc
This is just a common decency thing with me. If you're not a total worthless douchewaffle, you don't decide people are not worthy of respect based on anything other than their character. Treating them like crap because you don't agree with them is totally not okay. You don't get patted on the head for it, but you don't deserve to be lynched either. Using words to demean someone because of their  gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc just makes you more of an ass than you're saying they are. Except hipsters. It's okay to hate on them.

-The One
As you may have noticed if you've read basically any of my other posts, I passionately hate romance. When people talk about "The One" in any context other than The Matrix, it basically means you can write them off as a sappy moron and ignore anything else they have to say about people.

-True Love ____
Waits, is whatever, and so on. These phrases just irritate me, because they're not only stupid and/or obvious, they refer to "True Love," another idea I have absolute disdain for, because they mean it in the Disney sense. If we're talking "true" as in real or genuine, I have no issue, but those are far in the minority. People like the idea of having a Destiny, because they're not smart enough or strong enough to take responsibility for their own love life. Or most other things.

-Expecially
This just makes you sound like an illiterate waste of a free education. Can you not read phonetically? Sound it out, you imbeciles.

-Nucular
See above. If you look at a word letter by letter, you can probably say it right, and with simple words like this, there's no excuse.

-Punny
Who even invented this word? Why would people decide it's okay? It's obnoxious. Puns are supposed to be clever, and they're usually more annoying than not. This is some bastard child of "pun" and "funny," but it's totally unnecessary.

-Pointless letter changes to diffuse profanity
Here's a novel thought: Say what you mean! If you're going to use profanity, use it. If you're trying to be sensitive to people who may be too old or too young to hear those words, get a better vocabulary, and use a different word. Everyone knows what you mean, so you may as well have just used the obscenity you had in mind.

Words No One Should Use (Part 1)

There are things people say, especially these days, that they should immediately be stabbed through the calf for vocalizing, and yet, for some mysterious reason, no one has stabbed them anywhere.

So, next time you feel like violently attacking someone for being a moron, here's words to look out for that I'm sure will make the justice system decide to give you a high five and go home.

-Cray
Unless referring to the crustacean, this is unacceptable. If you desire to express that something is absurd or unbelievable, I have an alternative word for you that won't draw blank, disdainful stares from people who speak English: "Crazy." Let me say it again: "CRAY-ZEE." It's almost the same, but you'll sound less like an illiterate waste of matter.

-Pimp
Exception: when referring to the owner/seller of a whore or several whores. I hear this all the time as a description indicating the awesomeness of something, and I don't know who the hell okayed that. For one, it's painfully stupid. For two, it implies that you find men who own, abuse, and extort women to be representative of that kind of awesomeness. If you don't, you're stupid and misusing the word, if you do, you're worthless scum, and we should probably kill you anyway. So again, watchword for stabbing permission, just to be safe.

-So dope
Unless this is an obscure, antiquated drug-reference, no one knows what in the world that means. They vaguely understand this is a positive term applied to things one thinks are cool, and so it gets adopted and perpetuated by people who don't even know where it came from. Unless you're referring to weed or heroin, it makes no sense.

-Any and all spoken text abbreviations
I hate any kind of text speak. It's an abomination. We have been taught since childhood how to speak English in free schools. It's really not that hard to type out the few other letters, which in most cases is only two or three. Like "You," or "are," etc. But when people speak those phrases out loud it is clear permission to bludgeon them about the face with the nearest object. If you SAY, "el-oh-el" or "bee-tee-dubs" or "oh-em-gee" or whatever, fully expect everyone to write you off as the hopeless lack-wit you clearly are, and I can only hope that someone hits you in the brain so hard, you no longer remember how to butcher any language.

-Hella
I'm not clear as to the context to this idiotic word is supposed to be used in, but as far as I know, it's an expression of degree (ie. "It's hella cold outside."), but that doesn't really make sense. It's a contraction of "hell of a" so how did that end up being used in such a way? Because why would you say "It was hell of a awesome"? If you were a thinking, remotely grammatically correct being, you wouldn't, but that seems to be more and more uncommon these days.
(Damn kids these days! Got no respect, or work ethic. When I was a kid, we knew how to earn what we had, by God!)

-Oh my glob*
What does this even mean? Is this an attempt at saying "Oh my God" without blaspheming, or something? Because I'm pretty sure God knows what you mean, regardless of what you say out loud. And if it's other people you're worried about, you're saying "oh my god." Not their god. Swear by someone else's god, and you've probably offended both parties; swear by your own god, and it's between you and your deity.

*After some rudimentary Googling, this appears to be a reference to that current horror Adventure Time. I rest my case. You people are morons.

-Hashtags
I hate these so passionately it's hard to express adequately. Let me paste what I said about it on Facebook:
"In a country where education is FREE, and people have the ability to be as intelligent and openly thoughtful as they want, this is the culture that's grown. People can't even speak their own bloody language, let alone think complex thoughts for more than about thirty seconds, because for some mysterious reason, intelligence is frightening. What is actually better about behaving like and becoming thoughtless cattle driven by all the BS from mass media? I saw it in high school, and I see it now: people being more imbecilic than they actually are so that they can fit into the appalling norms that we've come to expect from that age/social circle/gender/demographic. It's absolute crap!"
It infuriates me that they're used in place of communicating an actual thought, or coherantly expressing oneself. You know when that type of spew is appropriate? When tagging things for seach parameters, like I do for post labels. What if I just vomited solitary phrases at you, internet? Why would you want to read anything I wrote?
Annoyed!
Stupid people!
Social experience!
Cute kittens!
Sunshine!
lackofeducationandintelligence!
Wasn't that thrilling? Don't you feel like we just had a meaningful exchange of ideas? I have to intentionally not capitalize or space when I type. How is this a thing? Is it really that difficult to write full thoughts as captions and status updates?

-Comparing oneself with tv characters
I thankfully hear this less with people I have any respect for, but so often I hear people say crap like, "Ohmygod, you so___" or "you're such a *fill in fictional character name here*" Do I really need to talk about this one? You aren't that character; you never will be that character; in all likelihood, you're not remotely like that character, because characters in recently popular media are seriously lacking in any depth. You get one-dimensional imitations of characters, and you're probably only exhibiting a vague resemblence to their main attribute. So shut up.

I have now run out of both my motivation and my drink, so I shall call this TO BE CONTINUED! I have several more words and phrases that make me want to murder people with forks, so I'll be sure to share those later for your future edification and legal defense.

Some Ranting about Art and Stuff

There's something that clearly needs to be explained to the world at large, and though I may not be the very most qualified to explain it, I'm going to give it a shot. This is me speaking for the art community, internet. Feel free to weigh in, because I have like ten comments on my sixty or whatever posts, and it's mildly discouraging.

Not that I actually write here for you. It's all about me, boys and girls. Unashamed, self-centered amusement.

So here's the thing: When I draw (or really produce any kind of art) in a public setting, I tend to get one of two responses.

1) "Oh, that's really good. I could never do that!"
2) "I wish I could do that. Show me."

While I appreciate the compliments, every artist ever is sick of hearing that no one can do what they do. Yes, art can be an incredibly personal process, blah blah blah. But here's the thing. boys and girls. Ready? It's a revolutionary thought.

Art is a skill. It's learned behavior and thinking that requires discipline, thought, and observation. If someone is good, they put in that time and effort to learn to put what they had in their heads on paper.

Michelangelo supposedly said something akin to, "If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful."

All of the techniques and subjects that you see artists using are the result of practice, innovation, and effort. And more practice, and then refining and evolving from there. And you could learn to do it too. You just have to be willing to put in the years.

Gotta pay your dues to sing the blues, and all those other cliche aphorisms having to do with getting off your lazy, whiny butt and putting in the work to do something.

You don't look at a car and go, "wow, the person who made this must be really talented!" That would be idiotic. All the things that go into a car require specific skill sets to design, build, and maintain. It's not some magical zap from the gods that gives someone the ability to do something. Yeah, there's a certain amount of previous inclination that can give someone a headstart and pleasure in the thinking that goes with those skills, but not everyone who has them goes into those disciplines, and not everyone who doesn't  have them initially can't learn.

And now to my other point. I keep calling art a skill and a discipline, and it is. My 3D Design teacher, the head of the Art Department at the college, would go on rants about the kind of crap people said to her about art majors.

Art isn't a real area of study. You're just playing in there.

Art doesn't require any real academic work or problem solving.

Art is all about execution and not content.

Yes, that is ALL total crap. Yes, there is art for fun and art without deeper meaning, etc, and that's fine and dandy, but a lot of art that does qualify as legit Fine Art gets discounted often because of the ignorance that a lot of people maintain. You don't know how often people go up to artists and go, "hey, you should draw me a picture of ______" for free, whether or not it interests you, because they have no idea what kind of time, money, energy, and thought often goes into art.

And problem solving? Are you serious? Art, especially sculpture is LARGELY problem solving and creative thinking. you don't call physics just screwing around, and I'm fairly sure they're just making up stuff now.

I had someone the other day ask me, just offhand, to teach them to draw. Like it was nothing. It sucks having something you've put years into minimalized like that. I started really working on drawing well and accurately when I was like nine or ten. And I'm not even that good yet.

I love showing people techniques and explaining art to them, but people treat it like it's an overnight thing that's just easy, and that's so inaccurate it causes me to write excessively long posts and rant obnoxiously. Art is something that, if you want to make a career or a decent living out of it, you're going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than you would if you wanted to do a lot of other things. The starving artist is a trope for a reason. Thank you, nineteenth century artists for making that no longer a patron-based profession.

They almost had a better concept of it back then, though. All of those astonishing Renaissance painters that you love (think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo),

(I love this, despite its historical impossibility)

they weren't viewed as artistes. That pretentious dick in a beret is nothing like any real artist ever, so get it out of your head. They were craftsman. You called in an expert painter and his minions/apprentices, and you told them to paint you this thing for this much money. They spent their lives learning and executing a trade, just like carpenters and architects and blacksmiths. And yes, I realize how contradictory that might sound after objecting to being asked to draw something. There's a difference between a commission and just being asked, and that would be A. money, and B. the consideration for the skill and effort involved. Also, I'm a product of the post-Romanticism, post-Modern art movements, and I'll draw what and when I please unless I have a reason!

I have more to say, but I don't feel like continuing this post anymore, and I have boots that require some embellishing. But! Hopefully this clarified some things, because the thinking behind a lot of what people say about art (yours, mine, professional, fine art, whatever) pisses me off. People are stupid, and they should stop it.

Why I Hate Traditional Weddings

Let me preface this, dear, theoretical audience, by saying this: I'm all for life-long, monogamous partnerships and all that jazz. I just happen to hate how most people go about the relationships preceding it, and the marriage proceedings themselves. Why you ask? I shall tell you! In my habitual lack of order, here are my reasons:

1. The dress

It is traditional on one's Special Day to wear a highly expensive white dress of one style or another. Does anyone know why that is? Yes! Purity. Because it is traditional for a woman's value to be judged by the state of her hymen. A white dress in western culture is symbolic of a virgin bride (in some other cultures, white is a color of death and mourning. Coincidence? I think not!), so wearing a dress of a more interesting hue can bring on lots of speculation and sideways glances. Someone I once knew was married in a pink (if I remember correctly) dress, just because she had a child out of wedlock. But lets actually think about this for a second: Who actually wants to wear excessive amounts of white clothing? The number is pretty small, boys and girls, and if you don't want to wear a white dress proclaiming your snowy virgin pureness, why should you be expected to? Also, the number of women who are not even a little bit virginal who have worn white wedding dresses is probably staggering. The color of your clothing should have nothing to do with how much sex you've had. Thank you, Hester Prynne!

Someday, I'm going to walk into a bridal shop solely to ask if they have bridal gowns in any other color and watch the response. And then, I'll have an incredibly loud, public breakdown and sob that I don't want to get married after all. Who wants to join me?

2. Family

Hey, everyone I have any kind of blood or legal relationship to, want to join my friends, coworkers, neighbors, church people, and dry-cleaners in watching me and my significant other spend thousands of unnecessary dollars to engage in a joint legal and social contract? :D

Wrong. Half of them aren't going to be able to make it, and most of them won't actually even talk to you at the ceremony/reception. Because there's an obscene number of people who will want to talk to you, or they're there with people they can interact with more easily and comfortably.

That's probably actually why people bring dates to weddings.

3. Being walked down the aisle

This is the same problem I have with veils. It's another archaic and patriarchal tradition. I told my father that if he was going to walk me down the aisle, we'd better have at least a goat and a few chickens in tow. Because what it represents is the bride being "given away," as though she is the property of her father to be transferred to the man who will be her husband. It's an anachronism left over from a time of arranged marriages and bride-prices/dowries. My father huffily explained that it's a symbolic transfer of authority, and that too is unnecessary. If/when I get married, it will be under my own power, and by my own decision. There will be none of this "asking for permission" crap. I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions, and everyone that decides to share their life with someone else should be too.

She cooks and cleans well enough, but her

 hips might be a little narrow for bearing your thirteen sons.

14. Money

What's the deal with this obsession with flushing tons of money down the toilet to have a big to-do rather than using it to start a life? Weddings cost thousands and thousands of dollars, and they don't need to.There's the dress, which is somewhere between a few hundred and a few thousand, the tuxes, the food, the flowers, the venue, the invitations, the photographer, the rings, and so on, and so on. That stuff isn't necessary to get married, or to celebrate it. Do you know what will be at my wedding? Me, my man, rings, a license, and someone to officiate. You're there to bind your fate to someone else's, not to impress everyone else.

Which brings me to another point, which wasn't next, but I'm going to make it number 5 now, because I was about to start that rant anyway.

5. They're treated like a performance

There is very little about weddings that is truly genuine and sincere. Except the silk and the four hundred dollar roses. It's all about everything looking beautiful and perfect, and pretending that it actually is, even though everything on the planet is going wrong at the least convenient times (I've been to way too many weddings, and I've been in two. Trust me). It's like the wedding isn't even about the fact that two people are getting married. It's for the benefit of the people watching the performance, and making it a spectacle for them. Maybe it's just that the bride and groom are needy attention-whores more often than not, but I feel like a wedding should be about the two people saying the damned vows.

6. Success

How often is it even worth it to have a huge wedding? More often than not, you could save that money and then pay for your divorce five years later instead. Doesn't it strike anyone else as totally absurd to have a weddings ceremony, with the expensive dress you'll never wear again, and everyone you know (and probably some people you don't) watching, only to have it end with an expensive divorce? It does quite often, and it strikes me as utterly foolish. Unless it's a full circle thing. "Lets blow lots of money and start this thing publicly, and then end it the same way ten or twelve years down the road! I'm a little shaky on the cake and champagne; is it inappropriate to have a divorce party?"

7. TIME

This is my main complaint during most weddings I'v been to. It does not take that freaking long to promise to be together for the remainder of your lives and such. For some reason, people feel like the middle of a wedding is a great time for a sermon, or an overview of the bride and groom's entire lives, or about eighty hymns, or whatever. Things that don't need to take up my entire afternoon.

8. Expectations

Any time someone announces they're getting married, there's immediately this boatload of expectations about the wedding, the vows, the colors, the bridal party, the guest list, the cake, blah, blah, blah, wedding things, etc. It's stupid. Weddings are like this evil morass of tradition and family demands. I don't know how anyone puts up with it. I can't even tolerate the expectations I have now by virtue of being a twenty-something girl.

9. Weddings are treated as an endpoint

Think about it. Where does every Disney Princess movie end? On the wedding day. Where does every chick flick end? The relationship.

We see marriage as a destination without realizing that it's only a destination in the way that a dock or an airport is; it's a launch point for the next phase of life, an entirely new trip on its own. But we as a culture, end up glorifying the journey to that point rather than actually examining it as another journey. I want there to be a movie about a married couple that isn't stupid comedy, worthless drama, or geared toward old people. Stories don't start or end with a marriage or a wedding. They're important plot point, but not the whole thing.

It takes a brilliant strategist to make one happen, lots of alcohol to get everyone through it, and way more money, conflict, violence, tears, shopping, decision-making, and negotiation than anything smaller than a war should get.

And I probably have a few more reasons lurking in my ranty little brain, but I can't think of any others. I was going to add "Hypocrisy" as the tenth reason, but I realized I would mostly be repeating myself. So look for the things I said that have an undercurrent about the hypocrisy in weddings, and you'll probably get most of what I was going to say in that section.

And now, I declare it the end.

Decoration only

This'll have to be a quick post, theoretical readers, but I figured I'd throw it out into the ether before I forget again. It was a though that I had this morning, and then after my adventures this afternoon and a five hour shift at work, I'd nearly forgotten about it until I went to read a few other blogs. Apparently October is the time for a blog spew for everyone.

Anyway, I was helping clean this house this morning
(My mother talked to me about this last night while I was dungeon crawling, and there were like four Restless Draugers and a boss battle going on, so I was helpless to refuse. I barely had the attention to spare to acknowledge her presence.)
and I realized something I've actually known for a very long time without naming.

Don't ask me how that works. It just does.

I hate decorative things.

But wait, you hypothetically say, aren't you a self-proclaimed artist, and don't you always bitch about all your random stuffs??

Yes, that's true. But I'm not talking about art. I don't make art because it's pretty to put up on my walls. I get art because it's awesome, but YOU get art to display. But that's another one-sided discussion.

When I was a wee little'un, I always felt really uncomfortable in certain people's houses, and that continues to this day, and at some point (probably when discussing it with one of my many siblings), I came to the conclusion that it was because those houses, or rooms, felt fake. They looked like a magazine picture, as though they were on display for someone. It's something I've come to hate. I like places that feel lived in, that are clearly used on a regular basis.

If your kitchen is pristine, I mistrust you and it immediately.

My issue here is that it's a lie. You're beautiful house is a lie! It's contrived and insincere, and I hate that in any aspect. You can't trust someone who isn't real, and you can't respect someone whose worth clearly depends so heavily on what other people think.

When I clean, it's largely for me. That isn't to say that I don't clean when I have people over, but they've pretty much all seen my house nearly at its worst at one time or another.

I think what it comes down to is comfort and ownership. There's a balance to be maintained, and when something is fake, you totally crush that.

Along with that, I was gonna talk about my hatred for fake plants. They serve no purpose, add nothing of worth, and serve only to create tripping hazards and collect dust. I hate pointless things more often than not. if it serves no active purpose and adds virtually nothing aesthetically, don't buy it.

So yes. Fake, decorative, display-only things should go away.

Anyways, that's my doughy, disjointed thought for today.

I feel almost guilty that you, unfortunate readers, get the dregs of my cleverness and my least polished writing.

Quick, Anecdotal Social thoughts: Gender roles

I realized when I wanted to write this post how much the purpose of this blog has changed some in the last few months. Because, if you recall, I originally started this as kind of a snarky joke, to share my wellspring of BS with an easily amused audience, but it was in practically no time that this turned into whatever Rachel feels like today, which is sometimes me thinking I'm clever and funny, and sometimes it's not.

Anyways! The reason I thought about this was because something that happened this morning started turning into reflection and the desire to throw my personal views out into the void.

As I've mentioned several times, during the school year, I babysit on Tuesday mornings, and this year, we have a much wider age range and a larger group of kids. The oldest ones are around six years old, and the youngest aren't quite a year old. This morning, the older girls (there are three of them) were all hanging out in the corner of the room monopolizing most of the plastic food and baby dolls, presumably playing at that most horrifying childhood game "house."

I may need to take a moment here to interrupt myself and rail against the horror that inspires in me...There's part of a stand-up routine I watched that the guy is talking about the heinous unfairness to little boys and girls, because when a boy is small, what do we get him? Trucks and guns and Legos and such, but what do you get for a little girl? Another kid, of course! He says something like, "Hey, little baby, here's your baby!" and then adopts this horrified and disappointed face and responds, "But I just got here..." Maybe this a the benefit of hindsight, but why on earth would children want to play at the mundane? There is sadly few thrilling things about keeping a house, being poor, having children, or cooking dinner. I know I played some aspects of that as a wee child, but I'm pretty sure I was usually also building shelter on a desert island, or fleeing Bad Guys, or embarking on a quest...

And now that I've thoroughly derailed both of us, dear audience, I shall continue me story!

One of my unashamed favorite children in the nursery, a little boy named Daniel, a little two-year-old, chubby, ginger kid,  comes over and picks up a little plastic "milk" bottle and this hideous, plastic, Cabbage Patch-esque monstrosity, and promptly pretends to feed it, cuddle it a bit, and place it clumsily in the toy crib with a blanket. And these little girls look at him like he's utterly mad--but, of course, he's only a baby, so he can't be expected to understand that these are girls' toys. They keep giving me side-long glances, as if waiting for me to do my grown-up duty and gently pull Daniel away, informing him sternly that these are for girls, and little boys don't play with baby dolls.

I find that both amusing and infuriating. I came across the same thing in a family I used to babysit for. The youngest girl was ridiculing her little brother, because he wanted the three of us to play the Angelina Ballerina game, and she claimed that was a girl game, because it contained pastel colors, primarily pink, and was about ballet. I gently explained to her that ballet was also for boys, and they're hardcore, and that if she, a girl, could like "boy" things, like green and Legos and guns, it was ok for boys to like "girl" things too.

This might simply be because I know many happily metrosexual men, but I don't understand this double standard in rigid gender roles. You would think that in a country that has experienced not one, but three major feminist movements, we would understand that gender equality is not just about one sex. If women demand to be freed from centuries of social tradition, how can they refuse to extend the same right to their male counterparts? There's this absurd stereotype that men fulfilling traditionally female roles, like stay-at-home dads, or nurses, or stylists, or whatever receive ridicule and criticism for not fulfilling their "role as men." When a woman enters a field that is primarily populated by men, she is either congratulated as a pioneer, or laughed at for being crazy, but when men do the same thing, they pretty much just get their sexual preferences questioned.

...What?

How does that make any sense, boys and girls?

Anyway, I think that's about enough from me for tonight. It was just something on my mind that I thought I would share with the silent void.

The Rules of Engagement: Relationships according to me

Due to some recent nonsense on Facebook, I've decided to suspend my plans for writing a post on something fun, and I shall rant about relationships, because at least half the people in existence are total freaking morons about them. And I'm not just talking about women. (Yes, that just came out of my feminist mouth. Or hands. Feel free to snicker. I'm only half joking...)

I have decided to give you, my dear audience, the benefit of my vast and excessively snarky wisdom. Because apparently these things aren't obvious. So! Without further ado, my ten rules on relationships. There are probably more, but these came to mind first and most emphatically.

In almost no particular order...

1) Love at first sight is bollocks. Always.

Do you know who believes in love at first sight? Children and stupid people, so unless you're an eleven year old girl or a Disney character, I suggest you stop waiting for the light from heaven to shine down on your Destiny while he/she starts singing the first verse of your duet while grocery shopping or whatever.

Yes, I'm looking at you, Michael Buble!

Sorry to be the one to say there's no love Santa, guys (No, I'm not. That's a total lie), but if you rely on love at first sight, you're probably going to end up divorced. And I don't want to hear about your cousin's best friend's aunt, who met her husband and got engaged three days later, and now they've been happily married for twenty-five years, and I'll explain why in a few minutes. So keep reading until I've offended you enough that you huff away and watch The Notebook. (*Whispers loudly* That's mockery, for those of you smart enough not to have wasted your time on that film. Because it was stupid.)

2) Friendship is not Step 1

Sorry, guys. For those of you crying yourself to sleep because you've been Friendzoned AGAIN, this may be something you might want to learn. As a girl, I've experienced this several times, as have the few females I spend time with (By which I largely mean Becca and Taryn): You start talking to this guy, and he's pretty cool so maybe you hang out a few times, and seven out of ten times, it ends with him abruptly dropping the bomb that he wants to date you, which you then shoot down as gently as possible (don't be nice, chicks out there. They interpret treating them like humans as a signal. Obviously you're attracted to them, and if they're just patient enough...), so of course the friendship is usually ruined.

The thing you guys need to understand is that friendship is not a means to an end. It's an end in itself. You don't become friends with someone to work your way into a relationship. If that happens by accident (it's happened to me more than once), good luck with that, but it's not a bloody strategy game, guys. It's not about being patient, or being there for her, because most times, it's not going to end with her suddenly discovering that "it's been you all along <3" More likely, she already knows you're great, already loves you to death, but--sorry, sweetheart--You're a brotherly lamp.

3) "In a relationship" means off bloody limits

This has also happened to me, and it's usually in conjunction with the Being Friends First Ploy. I was under the impression that having a significant other meant that other people were aware you were not available to pursue another relationship. Apparently that's not so. So let me break it down for those of you scummy enough not to get it.

When one is in a relationship, theoretically there is a significant and committed bond to one's significant other. If someone else breezes in and makes themselves available, they're SOL. "Taken" means "not single." Therefore unavailable.

Maybe that's what they should say on Facebook. Not "single" and "in a relationship" (I'm ignoring all the married and engaged nonsense), but "single" and "NOT single, ie unavailable, no you can't date ____"

4) Friendship is not an in.

See 2.

I think this bears repeating, because it doesn't seem to penetrate most people's pathetic little brains. Relationships need friendship as a grounding point and foundation, yes, but it's not friendship-->relationship. Besides, why wouldn't you want to be friends with your significant other and have friends that are platonic friends? It's so much fun.

5) Time

This probably goes back to the "love at first sight" nonsense, but relationships require time. I've never really understood the people who go, "Hey, you're remotely attractive, and we've been talking for like an hour. Wanna date, so that we can get to know each other better?" How often does that actually result in a lasting relationship? Because every time I've seen it, they last about one to six months. And that's being generous.

Supposedly marriage counselors say it takes something like two years to know someone well enough to make a lasting commitment.

The other thing is that people have a totally skewed perspective on what constitutes a "long" relationship. I've known people who have never had a relationship longer than six months. They're doing it wrong. Relationships are ideally going to end in the M word. Which is supposed to be a life long commitment, though that's a rant for a different day, or possibly never. Feel like a relationship counts when it's multiple years and genuinely serious. Not until then, because those are essentially the same as that two week "relationship" you had in sixth grade.

6) You're not an amoeba

We've all seen that couple. They were annoying at best, and nauseating at worst. It's not--I repeat not-- necessary to be constantly in contact with your squeeze. No one wants to see you snuggling, or anything else. The idea of a relationship is not to be part of this creepy blob. It's two distinct, independent people. You don't need to be physically or emotionally intimate or whatever all the time. Don't lose yourself in that scary morass you call a relationship, because when you've become an appendage or you constantly have that  person's vibe all over you, it's just annoying, and no one wants to be around you. Which only furthers your blobbiness, and then when you break up, no one is gonna be there to tell you what a douche you were dating anyway.

7) The exception is not the rule.

Everybody knows a few stories about those couples that married super young, super quickly, had different *fill in socially heinous something or other*, or whatever, and they ended up perfectly happy for the rest of their lives. 

I have one thing to say about that: How many stories of that are there as compared to the number of stories of stupidly failed relationships? Those are the exception, and not the rule. How many stories have you heard of that one in a million chance that the seatbelt killed someone in a car accident? Do you now no longer put in a seatbelt when you drive somewhere? It's the same idea. You are, in all likelihood, the rule. You are not the exception, and the chances of whatever idiotic, absurd, romantic bullcrap you're believing happening to you is miniscule, so open your eyes and live in the world as it is. You don't need fuzzy fairytales of twu wuv to make the world an amazing place.

8) Other people can see you

Closely linked to number 6, people can see you and your honey. Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep your affection to yourselves. If you want to hold hands now and again or exchange the occasional peck, go for it with my blessing. But keep your lovey-dovey, squishy emotions between yourselves. The point of emotional intimacy is that it's intimate. As in not shared with anyone and everyone around you. I don't want to hear about your relationship either. I don't care how much you love your significant other.

This the correct response. And also clearly a good relationship.

9) Learn the meaning of "anniversary"

I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but theoretically, if you're literate, you know the root in "anniversary" means "year." Year, boys and girls. Not month, not week. Year. If I hear you say it's your three month anniversary, I'm going to stab you in the neck with whatever I can reach fastest, and if it's not a stabbing tool, I'm resourceful enough to use it to bludgeon you to death.

10) Know what you're getting into.

This also ties back into a few things I've said before. If you don't know the person you're getting into a relationship with, you're probably boarding a sinking ship, honeychild. Also, it may have escaped your notice, but relationships can be hard. They're definitely not for the faint at heart, because that's usually some strange baggage your picking up. Any time you get two people being close, you're probably going to get some flames somewhere or other, so if you're expecting all sunshine and rose petals (Oh, god! Don't follow the rose petals!), you should probably just give up now.

Also, some advice for the single: Your watchword is "amazing" usually with a smiley face. That's your cue to run. Run now.

A quick, ranty ramble on Beauty and the Beast.

You know those mornings when you wake up with a song playing in your head you haven't heard in a while? That totally happened to me today. Not that that's in any way relevant to what I was going to write about. I just thought I'd bring that up briefly. I can't be relevant all the time. You might get suspicious and stop reading. And let's not pretend. Half the reason you keep reading is because you have no idea what I'll say next, regardless of what the title of the post is.

I'm really in the mood for some painting again, but I don't think I'll get round to it until after I get back from Wisconsin.

Anyways. I was just putting laundry away and singing obnoxiously loud when I started thinking about Beauty and the Beast. It's one of my favorite Disney movies. That transitioned into the other adaptations of the story that I've seen and read. And you know what I noticed?

Also, someone should really explain to me how he's cursed. Because he looks awesome, 

much better than when he's not.

How exactly does getting with some gorgeous chick cure the prince of being a shallow douchebag? There's no guarantee there that he learned anything. Because it's easy to hold a double standard. Why didn't the curse make him love someone ugly? I feel like that would've accomplished more in the way of correcting his personal flaws.

Which is really the main message there. Magic can fix people who suck.

Wouldn't that be awesome? I want to be a vengeful fairy enchantress thing that goes around cursing all the stupid people.

So I think a much better curse would have been to just take everything from the prince until he fell in love with someone not traditionally lovely. Or maybe blinding him. Then he couldn't base anything on someone's appearance. That would free the entire population of the castle from being collateral too. I always thought it was unfair that all the servants and such got cursed as well, because they really had nothing to do with this. What were they gonna do? Rebel against the aristocracy and take off? That way lies starvation, boys and girls.

I feel like I need to write something like this sometime. Prince Hobo. No Beauty, no Beast. At least not at first glance. Monsters come in all forms, and beauty can be in unexpected places. That seems like it should be the real message to that story.

Has anyone tried role reversal? What about a sweet, hapless prince cursed by a random witch or whatever and saddled with a psychotic wench? That'd be a fun revision of Beauty and the Beast.

Self-esteem- Some hating to end my day

I know I've referenced the quote before, but in Fight Club, Tyler Durden tells his space monkey disciples "You are not a beautiful unique snowflake. You are the all-seeing, all-dancing crap of the world!" while shoving his angry, sexist, implausible anarchy down their directionless sheep throats.

This is the first thing I often think when people share things that are genuinely stupid and pointless and expect anyone to care.

Kind of like this blog. Isn't funny what a hypocrite I am?

I'm thinking primarily of all forms of social media, lots of art, poetry, etc, and many conversations. This occurs to me because I was just wandering around the internet, and I found myself getting increasingly annoyed by the amount of tripe floating around. Idiotic posts, crappy art, and generally obnoxious wails for attention and validation.

I think this culture over-values validation. A lot. And it starts young. You have to praise a child for everything it does, and then they have graduations for everything ever. I think it undervalues things that are actually achievements. And if you don't set the bar low and commend everyone for their every attempt at anything, you're a horrible person. Because obviously people need to be told everything they do is gold, or else their weak personalities will collapse and they'll whither away and die of bad self esteem.

I hate to break it to you all, but not everyone is or ever will be great. In all likelihood, most of us won't accomplish anything of real worth in our lives.

You know that song "The Kids Aren't Alright"? That's kind of what I'm talking about here.

You aren't a beautiful, unique snowflake. You're probably actually a grain of sand. surrounded by a bajillion others, made of the same stuff, essentially indistinguishable. There are differences, yes, but the chances of you being actually unique or new are basically nil.

Congratulations. Happy Tuesday, kids.

Some thoughts on jobs

I'm going to work hard on this post to stay relatively on topic, at least in large chunks. I shall do my utmost not to discuss my smoothie, the dust and ferret hair caught in my keyboard, the frequency with which I clean the kitchen, the emptiness of my Double Gulp, or the impending trip to Wisconsin, during which I will have no internet access in all likelihood.

So now, on to the topic at hand. Because I'm also trying to choose a relevant title for my blogs now.

On sunday, my little sister joyously told me that she has an interview for a position at a coffee shop on thursday. I calmly responded by telling her that if she got a job before I did, I would slap her in the face as hard as I could manage.

For those of you who are curious, I don't idly slap people full force in the face often. I've done it maybe one other time, and I feel I was fully justified. I do, however, often make threats of violence. Sometimes idle, and sometimes less so.

This is not an idle threat.

She has been job hunting for maybe a few months. Yes, that's a long time, and I sympathize with how frustrating it is, but I've been looking off and on since the fall after I finished high school. That's over a year, for those of you who can't count.

Clearly I'm doing something wrong, right? So far, the only real crime I can see is that I don't have any prior job experience. And so I learned the idiotic "catch 22" of job finding.

No one wants to hire someone with no experience. That makes sense, but the difficulty here is that in order to have job experience, YOU HAVE TO HAVE ALREADY FOUND A JOB.

Sorry, everywhere I've applied, but I can't get any kind of experience without having a job. It has to start somewhere, guys. Tragically, everyone apparently thinks it should start somewhere else.

The other thing that has apparently been to my detriment, is that I haven't written up a resumé. My main complaint here is that I have absolutely nothing to put on one. Nowhere I would apply would care about my many irrelevant accomplishments. And anywhere that I have any of the remotest skills to work wouldn't hire me, because even though I am something of a jack of all trades, I'm very much a master of none. I can change, feed, and make an infant sleep, make crepes, replace a transmission fluid pan, paint, lay concrete, and make some jewelry all in the same day, but I can't do any of it well enough to make it worth paying me to do it. 


But apparently all one actually needs to do is walk into an establishment, tell them to hire you, and schedule an interview. Thanks, Bex and Brian! Why didn't I think of that??


Oh wait. Because it works about as well as when you walk in and ask if they're hiring and they say no.


I apparently forgot to put a perk in Profession at my last level.

It's here somewhere, right? Maybe in another constellation??


....


Don't mind me. I'm going to make nerd references while I rot in penniless unemployment.