Words No One Should Use (Part 1)

There are things people say, especially these days, that they should immediately be stabbed through the calf for vocalizing, and yet, for some mysterious reason, no one has stabbed them anywhere.

So, next time you feel like violently attacking someone for being a moron, here's words to look out for that I'm sure will make the justice system decide to give you a high five and go home.

-Cray
Unless referring to the crustacean, this is unacceptable. If you desire to express that something is absurd or unbelievable, I have an alternative word for you that won't draw blank, disdainful stares from people who speak English: "Crazy." Let me say it again: "CRAY-ZEE." It's almost the same, but you'll sound less like an illiterate waste of matter.

-Pimp
Exception: when referring to the owner/seller of a whore or several whores. I hear this all the time as a description indicating the awesomeness of something, and I don't know who the hell okayed that. For one, it's painfully stupid. For two, it implies that you find men who own, abuse, and extort women to be representative of that kind of awesomeness. If you don't, you're stupid and misusing the word, if you do, you're worthless scum, and we should probably kill you anyway. So again, watchword for stabbing permission, just to be safe.

-So dope
Unless this is an obscure, antiquated drug-reference, no one knows what in the world that means. They vaguely understand this is a positive term applied to things one thinks are cool, and so it gets adopted and perpetuated by people who don't even know where it came from. Unless you're referring to weed or heroin, it makes no sense.

-Any and all spoken text abbreviations
I hate any kind of text speak. It's an abomination. We have been taught since childhood how to speak English in free schools. It's really not that hard to type out the few other letters, which in most cases is only two or three. Like "You," or "are," etc. But when people speak those phrases out loud it is clear permission to bludgeon them about the face with the nearest object. If you SAY, "el-oh-el" or "bee-tee-dubs" or "oh-em-gee" or whatever, fully expect everyone to write you off as the hopeless lack-wit you clearly are, and I can only hope that someone hits you in the brain so hard, you no longer remember how to butcher any language.

-Hella
I'm not clear as to the context to this idiotic word is supposed to be used in, but as far as I know, it's an expression of degree (ie. "It's hella cold outside."), but that doesn't really make sense. It's a contraction of "hell of a" so how did that end up being used in such a way? Because why would you say "It was hell of a awesome"? If you were a thinking, remotely grammatically correct being, you wouldn't, but that seems to be more and more uncommon these days.
(Damn kids these days! Got no respect, or work ethic. When I was a kid, we knew how to earn what we had, by God!)

-Oh my glob*
What does this even mean? Is this an attempt at saying "Oh my God" without blaspheming, or something? Because I'm pretty sure God knows what you mean, regardless of what you say out loud. And if it's other people you're worried about, you're saying "oh my god." Not their god. Swear by someone else's god, and you've probably offended both parties; swear by your own god, and it's between you and your deity.

*After some rudimentary Googling, this appears to be a reference to that current horror Adventure Time. I rest my case. You people are morons.

-Hashtags
I hate these so passionately it's hard to express adequately. Let me paste what I said about it on Facebook:
"In a country where education is FREE, and people have the ability to be as intelligent and openly thoughtful as they want, this is the culture that's grown. People can't even speak their own bloody language, let alone think complex thoughts for more than about thirty seconds, because for some mysterious reason, intelligence is frightening. What is actually better about behaving like and becoming thoughtless cattle driven by all the BS from mass media? I saw it in high school, and I see it now: people being more imbecilic than they actually are so that they can fit into the appalling norms that we've come to expect from that age/social circle/gender/demographic. It's absolute crap!"
It infuriates me that they're used in place of communicating an actual thought, or coherantly expressing oneself. You know when that type of spew is appropriate? When tagging things for seach parameters, like I do for post labels. What if I just vomited solitary phrases at you, internet? Why would you want to read anything I wrote?
Annoyed!
Stupid people!
Social experience!
Cute kittens!
Sunshine!
lackofeducationandintelligence!
Wasn't that thrilling? Don't you feel like we just had a meaningful exchange of ideas? I have to intentionally not capitalize or space when I type. How is this a thing? Is it really that difficult to write full thoughts as captions and status updates?

-Comparing oneself with tv characters
I thankfully hear this less with people I have any respect for, but so often I hear people say crap like, "Ohmygod, you so___" or "you're such a *fill in fictional character name here*" Do I really need to talk about this one? You aren't that character; you never will be that character; in all likelihood, you're not remotely like that character, because characters in recently popular media are seriously lacking in any depth. You get one-dimensional imitations of characters, and you're probably only exhibiting a vague resemblence to their main attribute. So shut up.

I have now run out of both my motivation and my drink, so I shall call this TO BE CONTINUED! I have several more words and phrases that make me want to murder people with forks, so I'll be sure to share those later for your future edification and legal defense.

Rain and Verbal Punctuation

So, have you ever heard those people who, like, use all these little words to umm, kind of fill in all the little, like, cracks in their sentences? I HATE IT! >.<


Verbal punctuation makes me want to stab people. I'm just as guilty of it as lots of other people, but I can actually speak relatively fluidly, so I feel entitled to being annoyed. My usual culprits are "so," "anyways," "umm," "and," "yeah," and so on. It seems silly, because you aren't actually saying anything. Nothing is being contributed with those words and phrases. At best. At worst no one can focus on what you're saying because you can't actually say it without thousands of distracting breaks. It's like when people have some annoying, physical thing. Maybe that's just me.


And on an unrelated note (Isn't it always?), it's raining! I mentioned before that the city was on fire, but that's pretty much irrelevant now. It was basically taken care of a few days ago. I love rain like crazy, thought. And I'm not talking about the light shower, lets get and umbrella and puddle jump rain. I mean the run for cover, say goodbye to your gardens rain. Full lightning storms that beat against your house and terrify your pets (Mine anyway. The dog is afraid of thunder.).


I woke up to one of those yesterday afternoon. I was in a really terrible mood that day. Low on sleep, and yet another job lead had essentially fallen through, and I was really just sick of life and hideously depressed and angry at everyone. I've had a few of those days in the last few months. It's an unavoidable side-effect of being nowhere near where you want to be in life. But not long after I'd slipped into an exhausted doze, there was this huge CRACK of thunder and the rain arrived.


We've had a few light sprinkles in the last week or so, but yesterday it was more or less torrential. I stared out at my backyard and watched the trees bend submissively under the force of the rain and wind, and I could see everything coming back to life. This is part of what I love about rain. It's been really hot and dry recently (Go figure. It's Colorado in July.), and everything in my yard just looks thirsty, so when the moisture hits it, everything lights up, and the grey of the sky just makes it look more vibrant. All the trees and grass in my neighborhood looked full. Glutted with the storm.


But as I was watching the rain, my afternoon tantrum was still on my mind, and my first real thought was that no dry spell can last forever. The rain always comes eventually. Sometimes you just have to wait for it awhile and survive the heat as best you can. It was one of the more comforting and optimistic thoughts I had that afternoon, so I thought I'd share it here. I know I'm the only one in the midst of a drought. 


Be patient, guys. The rain will come.